


Save My Life

by Alyson_K_Donovan



Series: Save My Life [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-14
Updated: 2013-08-14
Packaged: 2017-12-23 12:09:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/926242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alyson_K_Donovan/pseuds/Alyson_K_Donovan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin finds a sobbing Morgana in her chambers. She confesses to him that her soul feels empty, that her heart aches for the wrong she has done. She begs him to save her from herself, from the darkness which threatens to consume her more with every passing moment. Can Merlin save her, or is the kind, compassionate Morgana he loves dead and gone forever?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

Save My Life

Morgana knelt on the cold stone floor of her chambers, her hands over her face as tears poured ceaselessly from her eyes. All that she felt was pain, all that she had learned since going with Morgause was more ways to cause pain to those she had always loved. She was tired of that life, she didn’t want to hurt anyone, herself or Gwen, Arthur, Merlin, not even Uther. Revenge was bitter, she now realized, not sweet as Morgause had promised. She felt as though she were drowning in her tears.   
She jumped when there was a quiet, almost timid knock on her door, certainly it couldn’t be Gwen, she would have just walked in. Morgana ignored the insistent knocking, hoping that whoever was there would just go away if she ignored them long enough. She didn’t want anyone to see her this way, not even Gwen.   
She heard the door close and was startled to feel a gentle hand resting suddenly on her back.   
“Morgana?” an all too familiar voice asked in concern. “Morgana, what is it?”   
Morgana looked up into the kind, caring blue eyes of Merlin, her brother’s manservant.  
“Why do you care?” she demanded, bitterness making itself known in her voice, despite the tears. “All I’ve done of late is cause you and everyone else I care about endless pain! I’ve tried to kill Uther, Arthur, Gwen, and even you. Why do you care if I hurt? If I cry?”  
Merlin looked taken aback by her angry words. “Because, Morgana, I caused this…” he gestured to her. “I caused you to go to Morgause, I lied to you about your magic, about my magic. I could have helped you, but I didn’t. I was afraid of being discovered and executed. And Gaius and Kilgarrah…”  
“Who is Kilgarrah?” she demanded.   
“The great dragon,” he replied quickly. “He told me of a prophesy proclaiming that you would become an evil sorceress intent on destroying Camelot.”   
“Did it never occur to any of you that perhaps the reason for that was being so afraid of what would happen, of what I was? I was raised by Uther to fear and hate magic, the very thing that I am. Merlin, do you have any idea how frightening that is?” she demanded.   
“I’ve never been in that position, but I do know how terrifying it is to have no one to help you, no one to turn to.”  
“Then why would you leave me in that position?” Morgana looked up at him fear shining in her tear filled eyes. “Merlin… I’m scared it’s too late to save me…” she whispered.  
Merlin shook his head. “No, Morgana, don’t think that way. I will save you.”   
“My soul feels empty, Merlin… How can you save that? My heart aches for what I have done, yet I know that I will burn forever for all that I have done…”   
“Your heart aches, that’s a good thing,” he said, trying to be optimistic. Morgana had to admit, it was a sweet and admirable trait.   
Morgana suddenly looked even more frightened. “Merlin, don’t tell anyone of this… Let these, my tears, be our secret. Please. Merlin, save me….” Her voice broke on the last two words. She wanted to be saved. She wanted him to help her. “It’s all or nothing, Merlin. Save my soul, my life, or just let me die. Better yet, finish the job you started with the hemlock.”   
Merlin visibly cringed when she mentioned the poisoning. He had poisoned the water with Hemlock and given it to her in a desperate bid to save Camelot from Morgause merely a year earlier. “Morgana…”  
“Don’t, Merlin,” she said quickly. “We, you and I, we once were so close. Whatever happened to that?”   
“I poisoned you...” he whispered sadly. “Morgause used you as a vessel and the only way to wake Camelot, break the spell, was to destroy the vessel.”  
“Merlin, I would have taken that poison gladly, had I but known. I would have done anything for you, Arthur, Gwen, Camelot. I would have given my life to save Camelot. How could you doubt me?”  
Merlin closed his eyes for a moment because he could no longer bear to see the betrayal written so clearly in her jade green eyes. His eyes flew open when he felt a hand touch his cheek. “Merlin…” she whispered softly. “Please, Merlin, save me…”   
Merlin looked at her, the desperation and longing for a second chance clear in her eyes, and decided then and there that he would help her, no matter what anyone else said.   
“Anything is better than this silent lie that’s gone on for so long between us, Merlin. Please, tell me this is no lie?” she begged.  
“Morgana, I wouldn’t lie to you on this. I swear that I will help you. I will save you or die trying.”   
“Merlin, I need you to save me… Nobody else can do it. Many have tried, but it is only the goodness and love that radiate from you, from your heart and soul, which have ever helped me to be better than what I had become. You could’ve told me, Merlin. I would have helped… I never wanted to be evil…” she whispered.   
Merlin pulled her into a gentle embrace without thinking, hugging her and hoping he could somehow bring her back to the kind-hearted, compassionate Morgana he had once known. The Morgana he had fallen in love with.   
Morgana leaned closer and kissed his lips so lightly that her lips barely touched his. “I believe you, Merlin,” she murmured. “I put myself, my heart, my soul, into your hands.”  
Merlin smiled, he knew now that he would be able to save her. She was determined to be saved, and the Morgana he knew always got what she wanted.   
 


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Morgana sat up in her bed early the following morning and stretched her arms out over her head, a soft smile gracing her lips as she thought of her dreamless night. Of the love and care that Merlin had shown her. With his help, perhaps she truly could be saved.   
She hated Uther, this much was still true, but she knew that there was a darkness within her soul that had reared it’s ugly head several times in the past, but Merlin had always been there to save her, to stop the darkness from consuming her, perhaps now he could drive it from her.   
“My lady?” she heard Gwen’s startled voice in the doorway.  
“Yes, Gwen?”  
“You’re already awake. And you seem… happy…? Should I be worried?”   
Morgana frowned, she knew that Gwen had learned of her treachery and her plots, but it hurt to know that her friend thought her being happy was something to be concerned about.   
“No, Gwen, you should be happy as well. Merlin has sworn to save me,” she answered happily.   
“Merlin?” Gwen asked in confusion.   
There was a sudden knock on the door and Morgana nearly leapt from her bed, joy spreading across her features as she started toward the door. Gwen cut her off, thrusting a robe into the lady’s hands. “Control yourself, Morgana,” she scolded as she opened the door. “Merlin?”  
“Good morning, Gwen,” Merlin answered, stepping past her without a word. “I trust Morgana has told you I intend to help her?”  
Gwen scoffed. “She said you have sworn to save her.”  
Merlin nodded. “And so I have. I will save her, Gwen.”  
Gwen looked skeptically at him. “What if there is nothing left to save, Merlin? You said yourself, prophesy has proclaimed her destiny. She will destroy Camelot. Merlin, why even try?”  
Merlin frowned at the defeat in Gwen’s words, voice, and eyes. He hated seeing that his friends had given up on Morgana.   
“I can’t just ignore her, she wants to be helped.” Merlin said determinedly. “Besides, it’s my fault she’s this way.”   
Gwen stared at him as though he had grown a second head, and Morgana was shocked by his confession. Certainly, he had told her as much while she cried in his arms the previous night, but to confess it to Gwen? That must have been hard for him.   
“Your fault?” Gwen questioned.   
“I… I poisoned her, Gwen... I killed the Morgana we once knew…”   
“You… What?!” Gwen demanded.   
“Gwen, let him alone. He did what had to be done to save Camelot. Go.”  
Gwen looked at Morgana in surprise. “I don’t think that wise,” Gwen answered, shaking her head.  
“I said go,” Morgana said coldly. “I don’t want you here.”   
Gwen seemed taken aback by her mistresses harsh words. “Yes, My lady,” she said, curtsying quickly before turning to leave. “Merlin, come.”  
“No,” Morgana snapped. “Merlin may stay.”  
“Of course, my lady.”   
Morgana glared at Gwen’s retreating figure before turning back to Merlin as soon as the door had been closed.   
Merlin smiled slightly as he watched her.  
“What do we do first?” Morgana asked curiously.  
Merlin shifted his weight nervously from one foot to the other before pulling a small wrapped package from his pocket and handing it to her.   
Morgana smiled softly at his nervousness before lowering her eyes and opening the small gift. Inside she found a small silver bracelet with druid symbols on either side of a oval/diamond shaped yellow gem, topaz she guessed. “It’s beautiful,” she whispered, glancing back at him.  
“It’s got magic,” he murmured.   
She looked up at him in surprise. “Magic?” she queried.   
“It’s a seers healing bracelet. If you wear it while you sleep it will capture any visions that come to you. You will be vaguely aware that there is a vision, but you will not see it. When you wake you can see the visions, but it will more like any ordinary dream, it won’t be as though you are in the middle of it. You will be seeing it from a distance. You just have to use a spell to see the visions.”  
“And what is the spell?” she asked softly, staring in wonder at the young warlock.   
“Datgelu i mi gweledigaethau hyn ar gyfer y dyfodol” he said quietly.   
“How did you learn to make such a thing?” she asked curiously.  
“I spent years researching it and trying to strengthen my magic enough that I would be strong enough to do this. I stayed up all night working on it.”   
Morgana looked closely at Merlin’s face when he said that. She realized now that there were dark circles under his eyes and he did seem more tired than he usually did. She felt tears well in her eyes as she looked at him. He had gone to so much trouble just so she would not suffer from her nightmare visions.   
“What is it?” Merlin asked worriedly, seeing the tears in her eyes. “What’s wrong?”  
Morgana shook her head, wiping away the tears. “Nothing is wrong, Merlin. I just… You went to all this trouble for me?”   
Merlin shrugged. “Of course I did.”   
Morgana threw her arms around his neck, tears running down her face. “You are too kind to me, Merlin…”  
Merlin hugged her back awkwardly. “I only wish I would have been able to do this sooner. I wish I would have told you, helped you…”   
“Hush,” Morgana shushed him. “It is in the past now, and you are helping me now.”   
Merlin nodded, tentatively stroking her hair as she nuzzled his neck.   
They jumped apart when they heard someone clear their throat in the doorway.   
Both looked guiltily towards the door, surprised to see Arthur standing in the doorway.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

“It would seem Guinevere was right to find me.” Arthur said, staring at the pair before him. His manservant and half-sister.  
“There is nothing going on, Arthur. Merlin is merely being a good friend to me.”  
Arthur snorted. “Oh yes. A good friend. Do all your good friends hold you so close while you nuzzle them?” he demanded.  
Merlin blushed and started toward the door, stuttering. “I… I should go… Lots of… chores… need doing…”  
Morgana looked at the poor manservant, feeling terrible for the position he was now in.  
“The chores can wait, Merlin.” Arthur snapped. “Why you had my sister in your arms is more important.”  
Merlin froze where he was, uncertain how to get out of this mess.  
“I hugged him, Arthur. Merlin gave me a very thoughtful gift. Far better and more thoughtful than anything else I have ever received. He deserved a hug. Besides, what I do in my own time is none of your concern. Nor is who I do it with.” Morgana smiled in satisfaction at the shock on Arthur’s face at the insinuation behind her words.  
Merlin’s face turned tomato red as he kept his back to them, ready to run should he need to. He could feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end as she drew nearer to him. He was startled to feel her hand suddenly on his shoulder.  
“Merlin is a wonderful person, Arthur. Now, I would appreciate it if you would exit my chambers.”  
Arthur glared. “My manservant will accompany me. He’s more than enough chores to attend. And I will tell Gaius to make certain Merlin has no reason to come to your chambers anymore. Gaius will personally deliver your sleeping drafts from now on.”  
Morgana’s chin tilted up defiantly. “I shan’t be needing them any longer, Arthur.”  
Arthur raised an eyebrow. “Won’t you?”  
Morgana shook her head. “Go.”  
Arthur nodded and strode angrily from the room. “Merlin!” he snapped as he walked past the servant.  
Merlin threw Morgana a longing glance and a soft smile as he left the room.  
Arthur dragged Merlin into an empty room and closed the door behind him. “What were you thinking?” he demanded. “She is my sister! And the King’s ward! If my father ever finds out, you’re dead, Merlin. You do know that?”  
“If the King ever found out what, exactly, Arthur? There is nothing between me and Morgana. I gave her a gift. I hoped that it would help her with the nightmares…”  
Arthur rolled his eyes. “Idiot,” he muttered.  
Merlin opened the door and prepared to take his leave. “If you will excuse me, Sire, I have chores to attend.”  
Arthur merely nodded and Merlin walked out of the room as quickly as possible without being accused of running. 

***  
Morgana pulled the delicate bracelet from its haphazard brown wrapping, smiling softly as she examined. She had to admit that yellow was not her favorite color, but it was a shade of yellow that would match the gold trim on any of her gowns. Merlin had been so thoughtful to give her this, and to have spent so much time researching after she had left? While she was trying to kill him and everyone he cared about? Did he perhaps believe that she had turned on them because of her dreams? That if he could take away the fear that the dreams caused he would take away her madness, her bloodlust? Even if it did, would that really be such a bad thing? She smiled at the thought.  
“No,” she murmured. “It wouldn’t be. I love these people. They are my family… Why do I want them dead?”  
She stared at the ceiling, lost in thought. She wanted Uther dead, it was true, but he had denied her, never told her who she was. She was his daughter and he treated her as a guest in a home that should have been hers all along. She was a year older than Arthur. She should be heir.  
“No,” she muttered. “Even if Uther had acknowledged me, I still would not be heir. Arthur’s birth ensured that.” But she found it hard, no impossible, to want her brother dead. It wasn’t his fault that his father had used sorcery to achieve an heir. She fell asleep, consumed with her dark thoughts, Merlin’s Bracelet resting on the bed beside her. She had forgotten to put it on.  
Morgana ran through the castle, the lace of her nightgown trailing behind her. The only sounds to be heard in the deserted halls were her ragged breaths, her pounding heart, and her bare feet hitting the stone floor as she raced to save her love. Her Merlin. Tears started running down her face as she ran down the steps into the square, just in time to see Merlin being led up the steps to a pyre. His pyre.  
“No!” she screamed as guards came up beside her and grabbed her arms, impeding her progress. “Merlin! No!”  
Uther turned to look at her with a cold gaze. “Restrain her,” he ordered.  
Morgana watched in horror as Uther turned to face the crowd of onlookers. “People of Camelot, today you have come to witness the execution of a sorcerer. Someone who was able to deceive us all. He has worked in the Pendragon house as a trusted servant to my son, Prince Arthur, for several years. None in our household ever suspected him of witchcraft, something I am ashamed to say was going on right under our noses. This… sorcerer…. Has put an enchantment on the Lady Morgana. His magic has caused her to believe herself in love with him. A servant. Look at her,” he pointed to where Morgana was struggling with the guards, her shoulders shaking with sobs. “She runs into the square in only her nightdress, she screams and fights our own Knights! She weeps for the death of a servant, of a sorcerer. Clearly he has put her under a spell.”  
“No!” Morgana cried. “Please… He hasn’t put me under any spell!”  
Uther glared at her. “Silence.” He turned his attention back to Merlin. “Merlin Ambrosius, you are hereby found guilty of enchanting the Lady Morgana using sorcery, each are crimes punishable by death. You are sentenced to death by burning. A sentence to be carried out immediately.”  
“I will never forgive you for this, Uther Pendragon!” Morgana screamed through her tears.  
Merlin nodded. “You may execute me if you wish, only, don’t make her watch.”  
Uther glared at the warlock, raising his hand.  
“No!” Morgana screamed.  
Uther lowered his hand and the executioner threw his torch to the pyre which was quickly engulfed in flames. Merlin remained silent, determined not to scream in agony, not to cause Morgana anymore pain than she would already have to bear.  
When the flames had started licking at Merlin’s clothes and hair the guards let Morgana go. She collapsed at their feet, sobbing. “No! Merlin! No!”  
The executioner pulled off his black hood to reveal a young man, just a year younger than she, with blonde hair and blue eyes.  
“Arthur!” she cried. “How could you do this?”  
Arthur turned to her, his blue eyes empty and lifeless as he stared unseeingly at her.


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

 

When the flames had started licking at Merlin's clothes and hair the guards let Morgana go. She collapsed at their feet, sobbing. "No! Merlin! No!"

The executioner pulled off his black hood to reveal a young man, just a year younger than she, with blonde hair and blue eyes. 

"Arthur!" she cried. "How could you do this?"

Arthur turned to her, his blue eyes empty and lifeless as he stared unseeingly at her.

 

Morgana jerked awake, her eyes flying open as a scream tore from her dry throat. She jumped when the door to her chambers opened and Gwen rushed to her side, pulling the lady into a comforting hug and stroking her hair as she hushed her.   
“What was it, Morgana?” she asked, her voice gentle with concern.  
Morgana shook her head, appreciating her friends attempts to calm her, but needing a different persons comfort. Merlin. She needed Merlin. Not only for his comfort, but to know that he was still alive and her nightmare had been just that, a nightmare. “Merlin…” she whispered.   
Gwen pulled back to stare at her mistress in confusion. “Merlin?” she asked. “My lady, Merlin is in bed, more than likely asleep, as most people in the castle are at this hour…”   
Morgana shook her head. “Merlin” she said again, a little more strength in her voice this time. “Bring him to me.”   
Gwen frowned as she watched her mistress and friend in confusion. If she was asking for Merlin the nightmare have either been something Morgana thought Merlin could prevent, or had something to do with Merlin himself, though which it was she wasn’t certain. “Of course, Morgana,” she said, rising from the bed and heading quickly to find Merlin.   
She knocked on the door to the physician’s chambers, hoping that Merlin would be there, and not still helping Arthur. Any sane person would be in bed asleep at this hour, but knowing the Prince, it was likely Merlin wasn’t home yet.   
The door opened to reveal a sleepy Gaius, the elderly court physician. “Gwen?”   
“Gaius, is Merlin home?” she asked anxiously.   
“Whatever could you need Merlin for at this hour?” he asked in concern.  
“Morgana’s had another nightmare. She keeps asking for him. I can’t calm her. Either it’s something she thinks Merlin can prevent or it has something to do with Merlin himself. “  
Gaius nodded. “He’s asleep. Be careful, he can be grumpy when he’s woken.”  
Gwen raised an eyebrow. “Merlin? Grumpy? Surely not.”  
Gaius chuckled as the young maid went to wake his ward.   
Gwen stood over Merlin’s bed and shook his shoulder. “Merlin,” she murmured. “Merlin, wake up.”  
Merlin stirred, grumbling. “Lemme sleep…” he muttered grumpily.   
Gwen would have found his antics adorable and amusing if she wasn’t so worried about Morgana. “Merlin, please…” she pleaded.   
At the fear and desperation in his friends voice Merlin woke instantly. “Gwen?” he asked, looking around himself in confusion. He seemed even more confused when he realized he was in his own bed and Gwen was standing beside him, looking worried. “What is it?” he demanded. “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”   
“It’s Morgana.”  
Merlin jumped out of bed, reaching for his clothes. “What about her?”  
Gwen blushed. “She’s had a nightmare. She keeps asking for you. Nothing will calm her. Will you come?”  
“I’ll be there soon, Gwen. Go to her, try to keep her as calm as you can.”  
Gwen nodded and ran back to her mistress, worried for her safety.   
Morgana looked up when the door to her chambers opened and Gwen came back in. Gwen frowned when she saw her mistress curled into a ball in the center of her bed, her arms wrapped around her knees, tears falling from her emerald eyes.   
“My lady?” Gwen asked in concern, walking towards her.   
Morgana barely looked at her friend, fear in her eyes. “Merlin?” she asked.  
“He is…” Gwen broke off as the door opened again and Merlin walked in, shutting the door behind him and going quickly to Morgana’s side, pulling her into a gentle embrace, on hand around her waist as the other stroked her hair tenderly, keeping her head against his chest.  
Morgana wrapped on arm around his neck, clutching at the hair at the nape of his neck, her other hand tangling in the fabric of his tunic where it lay over his chest, as she sobbed against his chest.   
Merlin hushed her gently, rocking her as he held her close.   
Morgana started to calm as she clung to him, her tears leaving giant wet spots on his shirt which he didn’t seem to mind at all. “You’re alive…” she whispered.  
Merlin seemed a little confused. “Of course I am,” he said. “Why wouldn’t I be?”  
“You… in my dream… you were being burned at the stake…”  
“What for?” he asked curiously.  
“Sorcery… Uther said… he said that you had enchanted me…”  
“Enchanted you how?” Merlin was trying to comfort her at the same time he wanted to know what her dream had been.   
“He said you had used magic to make me believe I love you…”  
Merlin had nothing to say at first. “You… what?”  
Morgana blushed and hid her face against his chest. “To make me believe that I love you,” she repeated. “He was wrong, you didn’t enchant me… You never would have to…”   
Merlin felt his own cheeks turning red as she explained her dream to him. He couldn’t believe the reason for his execution in her dreams. She loved him?  
Morgana’s soft whimper brought him back to reality and he kissed the top of her head instinctively, rocking her. “It’s alright, Morgana,” he murmured. “I’m not dead. I’m right here.”   
Morgana nodded against his chest and nuzzled his neck lightly. “Promise me it won’t ever happen?” she whispered.   
Merlin nodded. “Of course it won’t. Uther won’t ever find out about my magic, and he certainly won’t find out about us.”   
Morgana nodded, allowing him to calm her, his soothing words and touch doing far more for her than even Gwen had ever been able to. Gwen was often able to calm her after a nightmare, but not this time. This time she had needed more. Needed Merlin and the love and kindness that radiated off him.   
“My lady, Gaius will not wait long before he comes to check on you himself,” Gwen said quickly, concerned for both her friends if they were found this way.   
The door to Morgana’s chambers opened as Gwen finished her sentence and all three occupants of the room jumped and turned to face the door, shocked to see the man who stood in the doorway. None other than the King of Camelot himself. Uther Pendragon stood in the doorway, fury radiating off him as he glared at the scene before him, his ward held in a serving boys arms.   
“Guards!” he called.   
“No!” Morgana cried out in fear, gripping more tightly to Merlin. “Please… Uther, you don’t understand…”   
Two guards rushed into the room and stopped dead when they saw what had caused the King’s anger.  
“Arrest him,” Uther said angrily, pointing to Merlin.


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

 

“No! Please!” Morgana cried.   
Merlin attempted to pull away from her as he tried to rise. Morgana tightened her grip on his clothes, tears pouring down her face. “I sent for him. I was frightened by a nightmare and I didn’t want Gaius woken. Merlin brought my sleeping draft and saw how upset I was. He asked me what was wrong. I… I reached out to him. I was scared. I needed a friend and he was the person there. This is not his fault. Uther, please do not punish him for my actions.”   
Uther stared at his ward in confusion. “Morgana?” he asked, watching as Merlin gently untangled Morgana’s fingers from his tunic and take a step towards the guards.   
“Please,” Morgana begged. “He was only being a kind person. I… My nightmare… I was so scared… I saw someone I care about die… And I saw Arthur kill that person… I was upset… I sent Gwen to fetch Merlin with another sleeping draft because I didn’t want Gaius woken. Please. I was afraid. It wasn’t his fault.”   
Uther stared at them in silence for a long time. “Morgana… You know how this would look…”  
“Gwen has been here the whole time!” Morgana protested.  
“I have, Sire,” Gwen interrupted.   
Uther turned to look at the maid. “Very well, Morgana. I will accept your explanation and the boy may go. But do not ever allow this happen again. Do I make myself clear?”   
Morgana nodded curtly and Uther turned his gaze to Merlin.   
“Crystal clear,” Merlin answered seriously. “I’m sorry, sire.”   
Uther nodded and gestured for Merlin to proceed him out of the room. Merlin obeyed, throwing Morgana one last reassuring smile as he left the room, Uther following behind him and closing the door.  
Merlin walked back into Gaius’s quarters, hoping his mentor was back in bed. Unfortunately, he was not. Gaius sat at the small table, waiting for Merlin with a concerned expression on his face.   
“What happened?” Gaius demanded. “You look as though you’ve seen a ghost.”   
“I almost was one…” Merlin answered. “Uther came to Morgana’s chambers while I was there. She was so upset, Gaius, I’ve never seen her cry so much. Nothing could calm her, not for a long time. She was terrified. Everything was wrong in her nightmare, her vision, people she loved being killed by others she loved. I didn’t see it, yet I was frightened. If this vision comes to pass, Camelot and all who dwell here are doomed.”  
“You were comforting Morgana when Uther entered the room?” Gaius demanded.   
Merlin’s face turned a bright shade of red. “Yes…. I was…. I was holding her while she cried. She was clinging to me, sobbing, I couldn’t turn her away, no matter the risk to my own life. I had to help her…”  
Gaius frowned at the boy who was like a son to him. “Your compassion will get you killed,” he sighed. “How did you get out with your life?”  
Merlin shrugged. “Morgana and Gwen convinced him that Gwen had been there the entire time and nothing had been going on other than Morgana being scared and reaching out to the person who was closest.”  
“And your reason for being in her chambers?”  
“She swore to Uther that she had sent for me to bring her sleeping draft so as not to wake you.”   
Gaius shook his head, he would never understand the King’s ward, or his own. He only hoped their affections for each other would not get Merlin killed. “Be careful, Merlin,” he advised. “Caring for the Lady Morgana could easily be a death sentence.”  
Merlin nodded solemnly. “I know.” 

***  
Morgana let a sigh of relief escape her lips the instant her door closed behind Uther. She had feared her quick thinking and easy lies would not be enough to save Merlin, whom she had quickly grown to care deeply for.   
“Thank you, Gwen. For fetching Merlin, and for helping me lie to protect him.”   
Gwen shrugged. “I only told the truth, my lady. I was here the entire time and nothing happened. Well… Nothing more than him holding you and comforting you, then you nuzzling him as you calmed… I think Arthur was right… You are falling for Merlin.”’  
Morgana’s head snapped up. “Arthur? When did Arthur say such a thing? And when would he have said it to you without my knowing?”  
Gwen blushed. “Morgana… I… He… I was doing some chores and he saw me…. He asked after you, wanted to know if you were alright… Then he said that Merlin had been acting strangely, almost as though he had a girl… It led to the topic and… He said he thought Merlin had feelings for you, and that you, perhaps, shared those feelings.”  
Morgana hung her head. “Arthur suspects I care for Merlin?”  
“How could he not? He has seen to two of you together. But he discourages it only because of the danger to Merlin. He approves otherwise. As much as he will ever approve of someone he views as his sister falling in love.”  
“And you, Gwen, do you believe I have feelings for Merlin?”  
“I… my lady…” Gwen stammered.  
Anger flared in Morgana’s eyes. “It is a simple yes or no answer, Gwen. Do you believe I have feelings for Merlin?”   
Gwen nodded. “If what I have seen is any indication, Morgana, I think you have very strong feelings for Merlin, whether or not either of you will admit it.”   
“Then you believe he has feelings for me as well?” Morgana demanded, uncertain as to why she felt her heart flutter with delight at the thought. Could Gwen be right? Was she falling for Merlin? It was true, she found him adorable in so many ways, and he was always so kind and caring… how could anyone not care for him in some way. Gwen’s voice snapped her out of her reverie.   
“I do,” Gwen answered honestly.   
They were startled by a knock on the door.   
Morgana narrowed her eyes suspiciously as Gwen went and opened the door to Morgana’s chambers, revealing Arthur with a handful of Amaranth flowers Morgana knew could only be found deep within the woods.   
“These are for Morgana,” he said, handing them to Gwen.   
Morgana walked to the door, staring her foster brother down. “Am I to assume you had Merlin pick these?” she demanded.   
Arthur shook his head. “Merlin picked them because he wanted you to have them. Said they reminded him of you. Eternally beautiful or something like that. I just volunteered to bring them so he wouldn’t be caught again.”   
Morgana felt her expression soften as she accepted the flowers, a gentle smile gracing her lips as she looked at the flowers. “Thank you, Arthur,” she murmured. “And thank Merlin for me, would you?”  
Arthur nodded and strode away.   
Gwen helped Morgana back into bed before putting the flowers in a vase and setting them on Morgana’s bedside table, blowing out the candle as she left.   
Morgana picked up the small silver bracelet from the floor, where it had fallen as she slept. She slipped it onto her wrist and lay back in her bed, quickly succumbing to the exhaustion brought about by her nightmare and the fright that had followed it. She slept deeply throughout the night, not once more did she wake that night from a vision.


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter Six

Morgana woke early the next morning, feeling refreshed and happy, she had slept dreamlessly the rest of the night. She felt much happier than she could remember ever being. The bracelet Merlin had given to her, and the flowers that Arthur had brought in for her, everything made her smile, everything reminded her of Merlin.   
Gwen came in and looked at Morgana. “My lady? You’re awake.”   
Morgana smiled at her friend and maidservant. “Yes, Gwen, I am. I slept without a dream, after that horrible nightmare… I put on the bracelet Merlin gave me, and I slept better than I have since I was nine and these dreams started.”   
Gwen smiled at her mistress. “That is lovely, Morgana. I’m so happy for you.”   
“I want to go riding today, Gwen. Shall we see if Arthur will accompany us?”   
Gwen laughed softly. “You only want Arthur to come because it’s the only way that Merlin will be there,” she accused.  
Morgana blushed as she shrugged. “And you want Arthur along because you care for him.”   
Gwen looked at her mistress, shocked. “My lady…”  
Morgana smirked at her friend. “Come now, Gwen. There’s no need to lie. Uther wouldn’t allow it, but he need not know.”   
Gwen smiled a little. “And I assume he need not know of you and Merlin?”  
Morgana shook her head. “No, absolutely not. Now, help me with my hair?”   
“Of course, Morgana. How do you wish to do it today?”  
Morgana frowned thoughtfully. “In a braid?” she asked absently. “No, I want it down…”  
“Perhaps the half braid?” her maid suggested. “We’ll braid it to here,” she paused, placing her hand at Morgana’s shoulder to indicate where the braid would end. “And let it flow loosely from there? And perhaps bring it over your shoulder?”   
Morgana nodded, smiling. “Perfect. And I want to wear one of my new dresses. The gold.”   
Gwen nodded went the wardrobe removing a simple golden colored dress with long sleeves and a neckline which was cut only low enough to show a hint of cleavage, one of her more modest dresses, if Morgana were being honest.   
“The purple lace.” Morgana said absently.   
Gwen nodded and pulled out a piece of deep purple, amaranth purple, lace. It had a matching bodice which came around in her body just under her breasts and ended at her hips. Where the fabric ended the lace flared, cascading to the floor, leaving the gold skirt edged in front by the lace. There was lace which was similar to sleeves, except there was no seem in the front. It was attached at the shoulders and allowed to fall freely around the gowns sleeves, trailing to the floor.   
“This one, Morgana?”  
Morgana looked up and nodded. “Yes, that lace. Perfect, don’t you think?”  
Gwen smiled. “It’s beautiful, Morgana. And I know Merlin will love it.”  
Morgana smiled brightly. “You think so?”   
“Morgana, he loves the woman wearing the gown, the gown doesn’t matter to him, though he does tend to notice your gowns. He knows you like it when someone notices a new gown.”  
Morgana smiled. And allowed Gwen to help her prepare for the day. 

~~~~

Merlin walked back to Arthur’s desk, grinning.   
“What is it, Merlin?” Arthur demanded, not certain he really cared what had his manservant smiling.  
“The Lady Morgana has requested your company on a ride, Sire. The horses have been prepared and they will meet us at the stables.”   
“Requested?” Arthur repeated. “Don’t you mean she demanded my presence?”   
Merlin shrugged. “I suppose so, Sire. Guinevere will be there…”   
Merlin grinned as Arthur tried to hide the sudden change in his expression. “We shouldn’t keep the ladies waiting.”   
Merlin followed Arthur as he walked out toward the stables. 

~~~~

Morgana saw Arthur and Merlin walking towards herself and Gwen and started smoothing her hair and skirt, picking at imaginary threads in her nervousness.   
“Morgana,” Arthur said as they approached. “Guinevere.”  
“Sire,” Gwen curtseyed.   
“Arthur,” Morgana acknowledged.   
“Lady Morgana, Gwen,” Merlin said, bowing slightly.   
Morgana glanced briefly at Merlin before averting her gaze. “Merlin.”   
A stable hand brought out the horses and Arthur mounted his, leaving Merlin to help both Gwen and Morgana onto their horses before mounting his own.   
“Thank you.” Gwen said politely.   
“Yes, thank you, Merlin. You are very kind,” Morgana agreed quickly.   
Merlin blushed as he mounted his own horse. “You’re welcome, my lady, Gwen.”   
Morgana frowned. “We are not in a formal setting, Merlin.”  
Merlin nodded. “I am aware, my lady. We are going riding.”  
Morgana narrowed her eyes at him. “My name, Merlin, is Morgana. Use it.”   
Arthur half-smiled at his sister’s determination and stubbornness when it came to her affections for the manservant.   
“Very well, Lady Morgana,” Merlin answered.   
“No title,” she snapped.   
Merlin shrugged and rode on in silence. As much as he wished to drop all titles and formality with her, it wasn’t allowed. He was a servant and she was a noble woman. He sighed as he looked away, feeling a small wave of sadness overwhelm him.   
“I want to go to the lake,” Morgana said softly.  
Arthur grimaced. “I don’t want to be near that lake.”  
“Then Gwen and I will go.”   
“My lady, I’ve no desire to go to the lake,” Gwen interrupted.   
Morgana pouted. “Merlin? Would you like to go to the lake?”   
Merlin nodded. “Certainly, my lady.”   
“It’s settled, then,” Morgana stated happily. “Arthur, you and Gwen can go… I don’t know, anywhere. Merlin and I will go to the lake. Come, Merlin, I’ll race you!”   
Arthur rolled his eyes. “Keep an eye on her, Merlin.”  
Merlin nodded as Morgana took off. Merlin kicked his horse into a gallop and raced after her. By the time he reached the lake Morgana was just dismounting.   
“I won!” she said, grinning triumphantly at him.   
“You certainly did, Morgana. Though you got a head start.”   
“Come now, Merlin, don’t tell me you wouldn’t have given me a head start anyway?” she asked with a pout.  
“Of course I would. If I hadn’t, you would have lost.”   
Morgana smiled at his teasing. “Would you really?” she asked as she walked to the edge of the water and kicked off her shoes, lifting her skirts enough they wouldn’t drag in the water, giving Merlin a glance at her pale, slender legs as she sat on the edge of the lake, her feet dangling into the cool water. “Care to join me, Merlin?”   
Merlin shook himself from his dazed state and nodded, taking off his boots and going to sit beside her.   
Morgana smiled softly at him. “Thank you for that bracelet, Merlin,” she murmured. “I put it on last night, after you and Uther had gone, and I slept more deeply and dreamlessly than I have in years.”   
“Why did you not put it on before you went to bed?” he asked curiously.   
“I had intended to. I was thinking and I fell asleep. I hadn’t planned to sleep so soon, it just… I was asleep before I knew it.”   
Merlin nodded. “I am sorry you had to suffer that nightmare,” he said honestly, kindness and caring evident in every line of his boyish features.   
Morgana found herself closely examining him, his night black hair, often tousled or unruly from long days of work. His eyes, so very blue, they seemed as though they could pierce ones soul and see everything within a person, everything that made her who she was. His high cheekbones, the ears that stuck out in a comical way. He wasn’t devastatingly handsome, but he was attractive in an adorable boyish way. She glanced to his lips, thin and pale, but they held her attention. She wondered if his lips would be soft against her own, or rough. She blushed at the direction her thoughts had taken, but found herself leaning towards him, hoping he would take the hint and kiss her. Her eyes darted back up to meet his wide blue eyes. He had started to lean closer to her as well. Was he thinking similar thoughts? Did he want this kiss as much as she did?   
Morgana closed her eyes, nervous and slightly afraid he would reject her, push her away, tell her they couldn’t do this. Not after everything. Because of who she was. Because of the difference in their stations… her thoughts were brought to an abrupt halt as she felt his soft lips press gently against her own. His kiss was gentle, chaste and so innocent it made her heart ache. His kiss, despite its tenderness and innocence, made her heart swell in her love for this manservant. He broke the kiss, gazing into her eyes, an emotion so foreign to them both shining in his eyes. She wanted to believe it was love, but was it? Had their relationship come that far?   
“I… I’m sorry….” Merlin stammered, his face tomato red.   
“Sorry? Merlin, do not apologize.”   
Merlin smiled. “Really? I… I was out of line…”   
“Merlin, I wanted you to kiss me. Hush now,” Morgana said, though her face was as red as his. She leaned closer, resting her head on his shoulder, feeling his arm wrap around her waist as they stared out at the lake in a peaceful silence.  
The two jumped apart guiltily when they heard a twig break behind them. They turned, faces bright red, to see Arthur and Gwen standing behind them, a happy smile on Gwen’s face and a pronounced scowl on Arthur’s.


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

“Arthur…” Morgana said quietly, blushing.  
Merlin jumped up and grabbed his boots, pulling them on quickly, his face bright red as he hastened to put distance between himself and Morgana, leaving her feeling rather lonely and cold from his absence. “Sire…”   
Gwen frowned at her friends distress. “Arthur,” she said quietly. “Do not be angry with them. You and I were just…”  
Arthur turned a glare on Gwen, silencing her quickly. “How dare you, Merlin?” he demanded. Merlin looked down in shame. He had been trusted with Morgana and he had broken his best friends trust. He had kissed the Lady Morgana. He regretted only one thing. Not that he done it, but that Arthur had seen them. He felt terrible for it.   
Morgana glared as she rose from her place on the bank, ignoring the fact she was wearing no shoes. “Arthur Pendragon, I started that. It was not Merlin’s fault. Don’t you dare be angry with him!”   
Arthur stared at his half-sister in shock. “Morgana…”  
Morgana narrowed her eyes at him, clearly not done with her tirade. “And do not dare to be angry when you yourself were doing something quite similar. Do not think, Arthur, that I am such a fool as to not see what is between yourself and my maid. I know you care for her and she for you.Go back to wherever you were and leave us be. Let me be happy for once. I have been sad and often miserable ever since I moved to Camelot. Now I have found happiness. Get out of my sight and do not dare to destroy my happiness.”   
Merlin was standing behind Arthur now, his face bright red as he stared at Morgana in surprise, the lace from her gown whipping about in the breeze. She was beautiful in her fury. Like a vengeful goddess. Amaranthine was the only word that came to mind to describe her. Eternally beautiful. His Amaranthine. His? He thought suddenly. When had she become his? He had best be careful and not voice these thoughts, it could cost him his head. He wasn’t certain if Uther or Arthur would kill him first. He’d be lucky if he still had a head before they returned to Camelot.   
Arthur stared at Morgana for a moment before turning and looking at his manservant. “We are returning to Camelot. Immediately,” he ordered.   
Merlin nodded silently while Gwen looked disappointed and Morgana looked angry. “You may return, but I’ve no intention of going back with you.”   
Arthur frowned. “Morgana,” he said, a hint of warning in his tone.   
“No. I will not return to Camelot with you. I want to stay.”   
“My lady, it is getting late and you still must get ready for dinner,” Gwen chimed, trying to be the voice of reason.   
Morgana pouted. “I like being out here,” she protested. It is so peaceful. It reminds me of my father.”   
Arthur looked away at the mention of her father. He knew she missed her father, that she liked todo things which reminded her of him.   
“He loved being outdoors. Said it was the faery blood in my family which made us love the outdoors so. His mother was fae, as was my mother. I’ve fae blood.”  
Arthur frowned, he didn’t like talk of faeries. They were magical beings and Morgana was lucky Uther had promised her father he would take care of her in spite of that.   
Morgana rolled her eyes and mounted her horse with Merlin’s assistance. “Fine. We will return to Camelot, but you, Arthur Pendragon, will be responsible for my sour mood this evening.”   
Arthur sighed. As much as he wanted to return to the castle, he would not be held responsible for Morgana being in a foul mood when they joined his father for supper.   
“Very well. We will stay. But Merlin had better behave.”   
Morgana laughed. “Merlin is such a perfect gentleman, Arthur. I don’t think you need to worry. Go and have your fun with Gwen. Let me enjoy my time here.”   
Arthur reluctantly nodded and left with Gwen leaving Morgana and Merlin to go back to their peaceful cuddling by the lake, though Merlin was much more nervous and cautious when it came to be around her or touching her. He slowly took off his boots and sat back down by the river, glancing nervously at her as she adjusted her skirts to hang her feet in the water again. She looked at him and leaned in to lay her head on his shoulder again, smiling when she felt his arm go back around her waist.   
“Why Amaranth flowers?” she asked softly.   
Merlin smiled. “Amaranth is eternally beautiful. Like you,” he answered almost shyly.   
“I am eternally beautiful?” she asked, a blush coloring her cheeks.  
“You are,” Merlin answered quietly. “You are like a sign, a dream, you’re all I’ve ever needed. You’re like a drift in a stream, you belong so perfectly. You’re beauty is so real, so serene. There’s nothing else I’ll ever need in life. You are my dream Amaranthine.”   
Morgana blushed even redder. “Amaranthine, eternal beauty. Merlin, you are full of poetry today. The sweetest words I have ever had spoken about me. I… How? Why do you care so much for me? Why did you care that night if I was so scared and crying?”  
Merlin tightened his arms around her waist. “I told you then, Morgana. I caused it, and if you really wanted to be saved, you deserved it. Yes, you messed up in a lot of ways, but everyone deserves a second chance if they want it. Especially someone as good and kind-hearted as you have always been. If anyone deserves a second chance it’s you. I’m only glad you wanted to be saved. There are other ways to bring magic back to Camelot, you know.”  
“Like what?” she demanded, a touch of bitterness coloring her tone, ruining the romantic moment.  
“Morgana, Arthur is destined to become the Once-and-Future-King who will unite all the lands of Albion and bring magic back to Camelot. He just needs time. He’s not ready to be King yet, he is still too close to his father’s beliefs. If Uther dies now, especially by magic, Arthur will turn into the same bitter and hateful man as his father. Please, Morgana, allow things to run their course naturally. Waiting to freely be who we are without risking our lives is hard, I’ve waited my whole life for it, but I know what Arthur will be.”  
Morgana stared at Merlin in shock, he truly believed every word he spoke. The conviction in his voice amazed her.   
“He will? Magic will be brought back?” she asked.   
“It will, in Arthur’s reign, but not if his father dies too soon.”   
Morgana nodded. “Swear to me, Merlin, that you will help me protect Arthur, help him become that great King?”   
Merlin smiled. “Of course I will, Morgana,” he answered quietly.  
Morgana tilted her face up, leaning closer to him, searching for a kiss. She sighed softly when Merlin didn’t disappoint, pressing his lips so gently against her own. He kept the kiss innocent and chaste but as achingly sweet as their first. When they broke the kiss he lay back in the grass and she lay back with him, resting her head on his shoulder and one of her hands on his chest as she felt his arm wrap around her waist. They drifted into a peaceful sleep as they lay there contentedly.


	8. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

 

Morgana felt the dreams being running through her mind, not nightmares visions as she usually had, but memories. Memories flooding her brain. Even in her sleep she could feel the tears start to run down her face. She felt as though she were drowning in her tears, as though nothing and no one could ever save her, despite the fact that she was laying comfortably in Merlin’s arms. Her heart filled with rage, with a blinding fury and silence which took the place of Merlin’s love and light. All she wanted now was to see Uther dead. Destiny be forgotten. She no longer cared what Merlin thought. She had been broken by all that had happened. Broken forever, there was no healing her completely, not from this life.   
She woke from her dreams, sitting up with a gasp from where she lay in Merlin’s arms. She felt the tears fall more freely down her face. She started to rise, determined to leave Merlin where he slept and flee Camelot forever, never saying goodbye to him. She needed to go. If she stayed with Merlin… with the people she cared about, she would fail in her mission to bring magic back to Camelot. She would fail her people. Even with his magic, Merlin didn’t understand. He was loyal to Arthur. He was content to wait it all out, to wait for a destiny that might take years to happen. She closed her eyes, wishing, praying for him to wake, to give her more time. She wanted more time with him. She wanted him to have more time to convince her of the right way to do things. She fought against the tears, hating herself for crying. “Please, Merlin…” she cried. “Don’t sleep tonight… You must keep me safe… protect me from this madness filling my mind…”  
Time seemed to stand frozen as she stared around at the lake. The lake that her father had taken her to so many times when she was a child. The tears fell faster and she felt a sob shake her shoulders. Uther had murdered her father. He deserved this. He deserved to die. She had no strength. Physical strength she had plenty of, though her legs felt ready to give out underneath her from the emotional pain. She had no more emotional strength, no more mental strength. Her emotions ran wild, going from so happy and peaceful with Merlin to furious and vengeful in an instant, one simple memory, the memory of watching a sword run through her fathers gut with the King standing on the other end, being the trigger. It was a long forgotten memory, though she knew not how she could forget such a thing as how her father died at the hand of the very man who had taken her in. The very man her father had trusted above all others. She opened her eyes and looked to the sky. “Heavens, hear me. Hold them safe. Protect those that I care for from my wrath. Let my sight be only on Uther Pendragon. Do not let me harm Merlin, Arthur, Gwen, or even Gaius….”   
She heard Merlin stir beside her and looked to him desperately, her heart willing him to wake, to save her from this madness she could feel building inside her, her mind screaming for him to stay asleep. He needed to lie low, continue his peaceful dreaming, else she might hurt him. She couldn’t bear to see his last breath die on his lips by her hand, to see his piercing blue eyes lose the light and life she so craved. If he were going to wake, sooner would be better than later. The sooner he awoke, the sooner he could pull her from this madness, hold her, soothe her, remind her of what life meant, of what Arthur was destined to achieve. She needed his love, his reassurance, so desperately in this moment. “Merlin…” she whispered, her voice breaking as a sob wracked her body.   
Merlin, as though sensing her distress, woke and sat up groggily, his eyes widening as he saw her shoulders shake with sobs and the tears pouring down her face. He moved up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder and hugging her tightly to himself. He smiled a little when Morgana’s hands came to cover his own at her stomach and she tilted her head so she could see his eyes. “Merlin…” she whispered brokenly.   
“Morgana,” he murmured. “What’s happened? What’s wrong? Are you alright?”   
Morgana pulled herself from his embrace and turned to face him. “Merlin… I want to kill him… I want Uther dead… Please…”   
Merlin stared at her in shock, he had thought they were past this. He mentally smacked himself, of course she wouldn’t have been over it and past it in only a few days. He was an idiot.   
“Morgana, we can’t kill Uther. Arthur isn’t ready to be King, especially not if magic plays a part in his father’s death. We cannot end Uther without destroying all that we hope to achieve,” he explained patiently. He had told her all of this before, but she needed to hear it all again, to reminded of the reasons for not killing Uther. He would do whatever it took to bring her back from this brink of madness.   
Morgana nodded, her sobs calming slightly as he cupped her face between his hands, staring into her eyes with such love and honesty burning in his gaze that she could not bring herself to doubt him.   
“Arthur will bring about the Camelot we want so desperately, Morgana. We must be patient and wait for our time to come. It will come. Prove the prophets wrong, Morgana. You are stronger than that. Fight against your anger. Hold onto the goodness, compassion, and love that I know is in your heart. You have shown it to the people of Camelot so many times, remind yourself of that. Camelot needs a good and worthy King. If Uther dies now, all they’ll get is an arrogant prat who doesn’t know what he’s doing and thinks he doesn’t need advice from anyone. Tell me, Morgana, what kind of King would that be?”   
Morgana laughed little at Merlin’s all too accurate description of Arthur. “A horrible one,” she admitted.   
Merlin nodded. “That is why we must help him become the King his people deserve. The King he wants so badly to be.”   
Morgana nodded and moved to sit in his lap, turning her face so it was hidden against his neck as she wrapped her arms around his waist. She smiled a little when she felt his arms encircle her own waist and heard his soft sigh of contentment.   
“Merlin!” they heard Arthur’s voice shout from behind them. “Can I not trust you with my sister, the Lady Morgana?” When Merlin and Morgana turned to look at him, all they could see was a burning rage, all directed at his manservant, none of it reserved for his half-sister. It seemed her every action, when it came to Merlin, was to be blamed on him.   
Morgana frowned when she realized Arthur was advancing on Merlin rather quickly, sword drawn and pointed toward the manservant.


	9. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

Merlin started backing away from Arthur, his hands held up in surrender. “Arthur, I can explain…”   
Arthur continued to advance on his manservant, looking furious. “My sister, Merlin? My father would kill you if he found out!”  
Morgana put a hand on Arthur’s arm. “Arthur, please. I was upset by a nightmare, Merlin was only comforting me.”   
Arthur looked at Morgana, confused, but the fury in his eyes slowly disappearing. “And the kiss earlier?”   
Morgana felt a blush redden her cheeks. “Arthur… It happened. It won’t happen again.”  
“It can’t, Morgana. You know this,” Arthur said. “My father would kill Merlin.”  
“But he wouldn’t kill Gwen?” Morgana demanded angrily of her half-brother. “If he found you and Gwen together?”   
Arthur shrugged. “A Prince not being innocent on his wedding night is no big deal, in fact, it’s expected that a Prince will get some in before he’s married. Typically with the serving girls. Women of nobility, however, are required to still be innocent.”   
Morgana’s eyes narrowed. “Prejudice against women,” she muttered bitterly. “If a women should be pure, so should the man. I’m sure Merlin is innocent, are you not, Merlin?”   
Arthur watched with something akin to glee as his manservant’s face turned an even brighter shade of red.  
“M… My lady…” Merlin stammered.   
Arthur grinned. “Answer Morgana’s question.”   
Merlin nodded silently, swallowing nervously before he spoke. “Y… Yes…”   
None of them had expected the smile of elation that suddenly graced Morgana’s features. “See, Arthur?”  
“Merlin is too much of a girl to have ever bedded a woman,” Arthur muttered.   
Morgana raised an eyebrow. “Or perhaps he is a rare man who wished to be in love with and married to the woman he beds.”   
Merlin started to move toward the horses, hoping neither royal would notice him. He really wanted to get away the conversation of him bedding women. If he didn’t get out of there fast they might ask him if there were any woman he wished to bed. What could he possibly say then? He’d be dead if he answered honestly. Lady Morgana was the only woman he had ever harbored such feelings for.   
Morgana’s eyes snapped to Merlin’s hastily retreating form. “Where do you think you’re going?” she demanded.   
“Camelot,” he answered. “It’s getting late. Nearly suppertime. I don’t know about the two of you, or you, Gwen, but I don’t want to miss supper. I get grumpy when I haven’t eaten…” Merlin continued to babble, hoping to distract them from the previous topic of conversation.   
Morgana smirked at him, having a very good idea of why he was rushing away in such a manner. “You are right, I suppose. It is getting late and Uther would be furious if we fail to join him.”  
Arthur nodded and helped Gwen onto her horse before mounting his own, leaving Merlin to assist Morgana, though all knew she was more than capable of mounting a horse on her own, Merlin was required, both as a manservant and as a gentleman, to assist her. Morgana smiled, almost shyly, down at him. “Thank you, Merlin” she said quietly.   
“You are most welcome, my lady,” Merlin answered as he mounted his own horse. Morgana smiled and dropped back to ride beside him, allowing Arthur and Gwen to ride ahead of them.   
Merlin and Morgana chatted aimlessly about any and everything that came to mind as they rode back to Camelot, smiling and laughing the entire ride. They were pleased to see Arthur and Gwen having nearly as much fun as they themselves were. 

***  
Uther Pendragon, King of Camelot, stood on the front steps to the castle, having been informed that guards had spotted Prince Arthur, the Lady Morgana, and their servants heading towards Camelot on horseback. He had been waiting anxiously for his sons return, they had said they were going riding and would be back soon. This was over five hours ago and they both were late for their evening meal. He saw four horses approaching, Arthur and the maidservant riding in front, chatting casually and Morgana riding in the back, beside the serving boy. The smiles they kept directing the other were a little too friendly, as was the casual chat they seemed to be having. He frowned when he saw Morgana throw her head back in laughter. Uther was angry, his son and ward both seemed to have forgotten the servants stations and become friendly with them.   
Arthur dismounted when they reached the stairs and helped the maid off her horse and Uther watched in surprise as the boy copied Arthur’s actions, assisting Morgana to dismount her horse.   
“Arthur, Morgana, Council chambers. Now.”   
Morgana and Arthur looked at each other, fear in their eyes, before glancing towards their servants and friends. They feared what Uther would do to Merlin and Gwen because of the easy familiarity they had recently shown, unaware that their King was watching. They followed him silently to the council chambers and Morgana felt her heart drop with the resounding thud of the heavy wooden doors being closed behind them. She tilted her chin up defiantly as they approached the throne and Arthur lowered his head in a sign of respect.   
“Father,” Arthur said quietly.   
“Sire,” Morgana said, trying to reign in her anger at the speech she knew they were about to receive.   
“What were the two of you thinking?” Uther demanded in anger. “It is one thing for you to go for a ride and take your servants with you, that is expected, but for you to return riding beside the other’s servant, laughing and chattering away for all of Camelot to see, as though they were your equals is quite another. Arthur, I cannot condone your escapades with a maidservant, though I do understand, I was young once and I understand the allure a maidservant can have for a healthy young man. Morgana, you should know better than to behave in such a manner! What would it look like for a lady of the court to be on such friendly terms with a manservant and to be seen in his company so often? I cannot tolerate this under any circumstances. The rumors that would float around about you, my ward. I cannot risk no Kingdom willingly allying themselves with Camelot through your marriage because you are impure before your wedding night, and by a servant no less!”  
Fire flashed in Morgana’s eyes as she stared the King down. “What is the harm in a bit of friendly banter? Why is it so very important to you that I retain my purity? Do you care only so you can use me, as a pawn in your game of power? You care nothing for me!” she accused heatedly. “Only for your beloved Camelot! I am willing to do whatever you ask of me to take care of your people, but I will not be ordered to disown a friend simply because you deem him unworthy of my friendship! Merlin has one of the kindest and purest hearts of any man I have ever met. I fell asleep by the lake and had yet another nightmare, Merlin was closest, he comforted and calmed me. You are a fool if you think I would throw myself at a man that way, Uther Pendragon. I am not some common whore who will give herself to any man.”   
Arthur and Uther were both prepared to scold Morgana for her vulgar language when they saw her eyes flash gold and every window in the room shattered around them, her body was trembling from her anger.  
Uther’s eyes went wide as he stared at her. “You, Morgana, you have magic!” his words were not a question, nor a statement, but an accusation. “Guards! Arrest the sorceress!”


	10. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Morgana looked toward the guards and at Uther with terror evident in her features. She didn’t resist as the guards grabbed her by the arms and dragged her away, what did surprise her, however, was Arthur not putting up any sort of a protest. She felt the tears pour freely down her face. How could he? He had told her before he didn’t agree with his father’s views of magic, how could he let this happen to her?   
Gwen was walking back toward Morgana’s chambers with a basket of laundry when she saw her mistress being dragged away by two wary looking guards.   
“Lady Morgana?” she asked in concern.  
Morgana barely glanced up at her friend. She said nothing, only mouthed one word. “Merlin.”   
Gwen nodded, turned, and fled back the way she had come, headed, Morgana hoped, to find Merlin and bring him to her for a last goodbye. 

***  
Uther stared at the door two of Camelot’s guards had just dragged Morgana, his ward for the past ten years, through. Morgana had magic? Uther found it difficult to believe, his ward had magic? And she had practiced it right under his nose? Had she known this entire time.   
Uther closed his eyes, wishing Morgana had never chosen to learn witchcraft, it was something best left alone, he knew. He had begged a friend, a high priestess of the old religion called Nimueh, to use magic for his personal gain. He had used magic so his barren wife could bear him a son, an heir. Nimueh had warned him, in order for a life to be given, a life must be taken. The balance of nature must be kept. Her words echoed so easily through his mind now as he stared between his son, conceived through magic, and his daughter through an adulterous affair who practiced magic. How could he have been so foolish? He had known Morgana’s mother to be of the fae-folk, he had known she was of magical blood, yet he had willingly taken her in.   
“Father…” Arthur dared to venture a step closer. “Father, I don’t think Morgana knew. I don’t think she chose this. She was angry, it was instinctual. Morgana has a caring heart, father, and she has a temper. Please, father, do not execute her.”   
Uther looked at his son, pain and betrayal clearly etched into his features. “Magic is evil, Arthur, it corrupts the very soul of all who use it. Morgana has chosen her path. As much as I wish to say otherwise, she has chosen her own fate.”   
Both King and Prince turned simultaneously when the doors to the council chambers slammed against the walls and Merlin was dragged in, fighting furiously, by two more guards. “The boy was found in the dungeons with the Lady Morgana. It is suspected he was helping her plot an escape, Sire.” One of the guards said.  
Uther turned and icy glare on Merlin. “You, boy, are more trouble than any servant is worth. Why would you help a sorceress escape? She is a threat to Camelot!”   
“Morgana is no threat to Camelot,” Merlin argued angrily. “She’s a good and pure heart. You say magic corrupts, but how has she ever harmed you or your people?” he demanded. “The only thing that happened was windows breaking from her anger! She could have used her magic to kill you both where you stood, but she didn’tl. She’s compassionate to do such a thing, despite the fact that she was brought here as a child and told she would never see her father again, she allowed you to become a second father to her. She trusted you both. You were the family she knew best, the one who provided her a life she otherwise would only have dreamt of! She has done everything in her power to save your people, giving up her own personal food rations in times of starvation, going out to the battlefield to help the wounded. How is that a corrupted soul? I beg of you, sire, spare her life. If you do not wish her to be in Camelot, simply banish her, but do not take her life. She has served you and Camelot greatly in her years here. Please, take that into consideration, I beg of you.”   
Arthur stared at his manservant in shock. He had never imagined Merlin speaking out against the King so openly, but he did know that Merlin cared for Morgana, even if only as a friend. And Merlin was fiercely loyal to those he cared about. Loyal to a fault. If he wasn’t careful, Merlin would get himself killed with his loyalty. He looked to his father, trying to gauge his reaction and was surprised to see a thoughtful look cross his father’s face.   
“Where would she go?” Uther demanded. Though he hated magic, he loved his daughter, he was almost willing to make an exception. He almost hoped the boy would have a plan in mind, anything to prevent Morgana’s death.   
“There is a small village, just outside of Camelot’s borders, it is a safe place where the people know who she is, but will not tell. There is no safer place for her than somewhere she is known and adored for her compassionate heart.” Merlin answered swiftly, taking advantage of the King’s consideration.   
“These people can be trusted? You are certain?” Arthur demanded.   
“Yes, Sire. I grew up in this village, I know these people. I will escort her,” Merlin volunteered, daring to hope that Uther would allow it.   
“She will be banished from Camelot,” Uther decided. “You are to escort her to this village and remain there with her. Ensure she settles in and lives a peaceful life. Make certain the magic does not corrupt her soul more than it already has. If Either of you ever return to Camelot, it is on pain of death. Understood?”   
Merlin nodded, his eyes lighting up. “Thank you, Sire.”  
“You leave at Dawn. Take only what you came with. As for Morgana, she may take only that which she came with and two gowns. Nothing more.”  
Merlin nodded, bowed to his King, and rushed from the room to tell Morgana the news.


	11. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

 

Merlin ran through the halls to the dungeon, knowing Arthur would have sent word already for Morgana’s release, hopefully into Merlin’s custody. He raced to the cell she was in, grasping the bars as he looked at her, the beautiful Lady Morgana of Camelot, curled up in a corner of her cell, her hair unkempt and wild, eyes blazing with fury while the rest of her features shone with vulnerability. He had never seen her look so wild, so vulnerable, so afraid. His Morgana should never be afraid.   
“Morgana?” he murmured softly.   
Morgana’s head snapped up, fear in her eyes. “Did they send you to fetch me, Merlin? Am I to die now?”  
Merlin shook his head. “Morgana, Uther agreed to only banish you. You are not to be executed.”   
Pain flashed in Morgana’s eyes. “Banished from yet another home, Merlin?” she asked sadly. “I was dragged here as a child because of Gorlois’s death. Now I must leave here? Where will I go? I’ve no one else. I would rather execution.”   
Merlin frowned at the bitterness in her voice. “Morgana, I’m taking you to Ealdor. I am to escort you and remain with you. You and I are going to Ealdor together. If we ever return to Camelot, either of us, it will be on pain of death.”   
Morgana’s eyes flashed. “Merlin, you are sacrificing yourself, your comfortable place in Camelot, for me? How foolish can you be?”   
“More so than even what he has told you,” Arthur said from behind Merlin. “He stood up to my father for you. He yelled at him, defended everything about you. He’s lucky he walked away with his life.”   
Morgana glared at Arthur, her anger having been refocused from the servant. “Get out of my sight,” she snapped. “You stood by and did nothing as I was condemned before your very eyes. You stood by once before, when your father struck me. You are nothing but a coward, Arthur Pendragon!”   
Arthur raised an eyebrow at his adopted sister. “A coward with the keys to free you.”  
Morgana blushed and looked away, moving toward the bars, stopping when the shackles around her wrists jerked her arms back, causing her to make a slight face of pain. “Then release me,” she ordered dangerously. “I will gather my things and leave at once.”   
“Morgana,” Merlin spoke quietly. “Uther said you can take only what you brought with you and two gowns.”  
Morgana nodded.” Very well. I require nothing more. And I certainly shall not ask it.”  
Arthur stepped forward and unlocked the door to the cell, before unlocking the shackles which held her chained to the wall.  
“Thank you, Arthur,” Morgana said scathingly, turning to Merlin. “Let us go.”   
Merlin nodded and obediently followed Morgana out of the room.   
“How could you be so stupid?” she demanded angrily as they walked to her chambers.   
Merlin shrugged. “You won’t be alone,” he answered.   
Morgana’s step faltered as the anger dissipated. “No, I won’t be… Thank you, Merlin.”  
Merlin looked at her, surprised by her thanks. He shrugged. “I couldn’t let you die and I couldn’t let you be alone.”   
Morgana felt tears well up in her eyes, surprised by the affection she suddenly felt swelling her heart for this man. He had risked his own life to save hers, he was giving up a trusted position as Arthur’s manservant to take care of her. She couldn’t help turning and hugging him tightly as soon as they were in her chambers. Her arms went around his waist and pulled him tightly against her as she lay her head on his chest, feeling the tears start to pour down her face. “Merlin…” she cried. “Merlin, I’m so afraid…”   
Merlin held her tightly against him. He wanted nothing more than to wipe out the fear and anguish he knew she was feeling. “Everything will be alright,” he murmured. “We’ll start a new life. You won’t have to be so afraid.”  
Morgana nodded, slowly pulling away from Merlin and wiping the tears from her face before starting to gather her things. Once she had gathered her few belongings she looked at Merlin. “Shall we gather your things, Merlin?”  
Merlin shrugged. “Gaius has gathered them, we need only pick them up.”  
Morgana nodded. “I wish to say goodbye to Gaius before we go.”  
Merlin nodded and entwined their fingers as he led her to the physician’s quarters.   
Gaius looked up when the door opened and he smiled sadly when he saw his ward with the Lady Morgana. “Arthur has informed me of what happened.”   
Morgana nodded, tears pricking her eyes again. “Gaius, thank you, for everything. You have treated me since I was a child, you have done so much for me, trying to stop my nightmares. Gaius you have been a father figure to me for so many years, even Uther was never as much a father to me as you. I can never thank you enough for everything you have done, and I… I wanted to say goodbye… I’m sorry to be a disappointment.”   
“Nonsense, child. You have magic, you are not a disappointment. You are a wonderful and strong woman, Morgana. You chose to ask for help, to learn to use magic for good. That is not disappointing, it makes me even more proud of you.”   
Morgana couldn’t stop the tears that started to flow from her eyes. “Truly, Gaius?”   
“Of course, Morgana,” he answered honestly. “Make the most of this opportunity. Allow Merlin to help you learn. He will be a good teacher and he is more than willing to help you learn.”   
Merlin nodded quickly. “Of course I am.”   
Morgana smiled at them both. “Thank you, both of you.”   
The door flung open to reveal Gwen and Arthur, both of whom looked angry as they stared at the sorceress before them.   
“Arthur, Gwen…” Morgana said, watching them nervously, unconsciously taking a step closer to Merlin.   
“You thought you could leave without saying goodbye, Morgana?” Gwen demanded.   
Morgana frowned when she looked at her friend. Former friend? She thought. Would Gwen even still be her friend anymore because of her magic. “Gwen… I… I didn’t know… I thought…”  
“She was afraid you would hate her because of her magic,” Merlin interrupted, voicing the thoughts Morgana could not put words to.   
“Morgana, I could not hate you for that. You have done nothing to harm anyone,” Gwen said, confusion in her eyes.   
Morgana snorted, looking away in her shame. “You are wrong, Gwen, I have attempted to kill the King. I was sent back to Camelot to destroy it.”   
Gwen smiled a little. “But you did nothing to us, Morgana. You were angry with Uther, yes, but you had a change of heart and saved him. You turned to someone for help with your magic. Morgana, you are a good person and a good friend. Be careful and be safe.” Gwen hugged her friend and mistress before stepping back beside Arthur.  
Morgana looked at them, tears running down her face. “Thank you, Gwen, for being such a loyal servant and friend, more of a sister, really. I will miss you. And I will miss you as well, Arthur, for you have been a friend and brother to me since we were children. Though I have not always got on well with you, you have always done what you felt right, even if it had to be in the shadows of the night. Thank you.”   
Arthur shifted his weight, uncertain what to say to her, how to express his feelings, so he settled for hugging her. “Be careful, Morgana, and be safe. Merlin, you better take care of her, or it will be your neck.”   
Merlin grinned. “I promise, Sire, no harm will come to her on my watch.”  
“You’d better get going. My father wants the two of you gone.”   
Morgana nodded and picked up her small bag, entwining hers and Merlin’s fingers, desperately seeking the comfort and reassurance of his touch. Merlin smiled and squeezed her fingers lightly, grabbing his own things.   
Once outside Merlin helped Morgana strap her pack to her horse before assisting her in mounting the horse, he kissed her hand and went to his own mount, strapping his belongings on as well before climbing on the large animal.  
Merlin and Morgana rode off into the sunset, casting wistful glances and waves back at their long time friends and home. 

I’w Parhad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, guys, that’s the end of this one. *cries* it’s tragic… I loved this fic so much.   
> If you wanna know what I’w Parhad means, look it up on google translate, you might find out something you like, or you might find something you hate… We’ll see! Either way, please review and tell me what you think! I love to hear your thoughts on this fic.


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